Burned but Not Burned Down
Life has its ups and downs. There's uncertainties and at times it's hard to hold onto hope, to see that your identity does not lie in your circumstance but in the one true King.
If I'm allowed to be vulnerable- which I'm going to be, it's my blog. All honesty, I've had a whirlwind of ups and downs these last nine months. I've made mistakes, acted out of my flesh instead of spirit, been a bad friend and placed distance between myself and my Father. I have been way too hard on myself and held onto fear. I know these last couple of sentences, you might be asking yourself, "I thought you said ups and downs, I'm only hearing downs". I'm getting there. In my opinion, it's okay to acknowledge when I have fallen short. As a christian, I'm not immune to struggles. I choose to vocalize where I've failed because for me, it helps me break free from it. I hold onto things harshly, I keep a score against myself mentally. Through all this, the Lord is still good and faithful.
Though I make mistakes, this does not identify me as a person, the one and only thing that I find my identity in is Jesus. He is light, He is mercy, He is redemptive. I am no where near perfect, I have flaws and I sin but what is important is to remember who's beloved I am. Song of Songs 6:3 "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." Psalm 18:19 "he rescued me because he delighted in me". My Father delights in me and calls me His beloved. Wow. through it all; through all my fails, screw ups and stumbles, He still welcomes me, He is still my rescuer. Thank you Father, that when I turn my cheek back to you, you are already there.
My heart is sore because I am walking through "physical therapy" with God. It's a "its hurts so good" moment between the Father and I. He brings discipline onto those He loves (Proverbs 3:11-12). I am being made aware of where I need to grow, it's raw but honestly, it's comforting coming from the Father. Correction is never easy, too quickly we can take it personally and have us questioning our own character. Correction and discipline is to help us be aware and to learn to realign with the Father. I was in service the other week and the Lord was wrecking me, tearing the scales so I can see how I've been and my response was to repent. Repenting on my behaviors, my mindsets I have rested in instead of resting in the Holy one. As I was in this moment a picture came to my mind. It was my heart and it had black scales on it but they were beginning to flake off and I heard "burned but not burned down". Though it was my decisions that led to these black scales on my heart, the Father doesn't leave me behind, He comes in with a gentle hand to help restore and guide me back. It's painful in the moment but the growth that comes from it is worth it because I'm learning.
The situations we walk through in life do not determine our identity. The way I acted in one relationship does not dictate who I am or even how I am in all relationships I have. Stay in conversation with the Lord, He mends and loves dearly. Take His direction and discipline because He is worthy of our obedience. His heart posture is always positive and good. That is who I have my identity in. A good and faithful Lord.